People keep telling me that eventually, the "right...
Why do family members always insist on awkwardly commenting on other people’s pictures you are tagged in. It’ll be a picture of like 10 people and they’ll comment “YOU look good hun”
me: why can't someone like me
person: i like you
me: no not you a different someone
I was so excited and thought someone liked me and sent me a message. NOPE. SPAM.
chaystar: hey canadians have fun at school tomorrow hey americans have fun paying your health care stop guys we’re friends remember Children, behave else mother shall have to give the pair of you a bollocking. You couldn’t beat 13 states, let alone 50. Are they all fighting again? Quick let’s sneak in before they notice us
"21 pictures that will restore your faith in... →
Lily Allen music: *happy go lucky melody with fairies in the background dancing with the angels of heaven*
Lily Allen lyrics: The whole world is a dark place where no will ever escape from. Just saw an old lady get raped in London, I didn't do shit, too fuckin' bad. Everyone is on drugs and doesn't care, you all need help. You hate gay people? Well fuck you. My boyfriend has a tiny penis and it's not fair. Stop FUCKING HITTING ON ME AT THE BAR JESUS CHRIST, I HAVE AIDS OKAY?? Oh, you're 29? lmfao you're life is over bitch. You better hope a man comes along to take care of you, you're not 22 anymore. Anyone want to have some Chinese food with me?
In Order of the Phoenix, when Molly Weasley tries...
mylifeasapigeon: The amount of nothing that I do on a daily basis is starting to get out of hand
Who ever thought of “Magic Mike”… Bless your soul.
me: i haven't taken a photo of me in awhile
me: oh thats why
I’m lucky enough to have a dad who is still alive, still around and who I don’t hate. Even though he can piss me off to no end sometimes, he can also make me laugh until I cry. You do things you don’t want to do just to make me happy, like go to a glee 3D movie with me or watch old teen dramas (even though you end up enjoying both, but whatever). You’re like my best friend...
picking my kid up from school in 25 years
me: yo shawty, leggoo
kid: mom, please not this again
me: stop being a hater. yolo
kid: you're embarrassing me
I really don’t understand my father. He lets my try my new tone perfecter concealer powder stuff on him no problem. But then I say, wash your face and lets try this new moisturizer! And he’s all “NO. NO I DON’T DO MOISTURIZER.” So lotion is where you draw your line?
It’s like a law of nature. You can never eat just one pistachio.
2008: wow i was so stupid last year
2009: wow i was so stupid last year
2010: wow i was so stupid last year
2011: wow i was so stupid last year
2012: wow i was so stupid last year
teapayne: how scary would It be if you lean your head back to stretch and a pez pops out of your neck